We’re currently about three weeks into this two child gig (aka: we’re in the thick of newborn/postpartum/new family dynamics), so everything is fresh in my brain and life as I write this post. I have a feeling I will enjoy looking back on this post in the years to come 😊
It feels like it’s going SO fast already.
Mordecai is already growing out of newborn clothes and time is flying by. I know he will never be this little again and it breaks my heart. Can he always be innocent and snuggly? Sadie will never be this little again, either. Just knowing how quickly she turned four makes me cry. I can feel the time passing and it’s crazy. I want them to be my babies forever.
There are so many challenges with having young children, but I know it’s such a short period of time, and I think that gives me a lot more patience and understanding this time around. After having Sadie, I was shocked at how hard life was with a baby. I thought I would never sleep all night again, never stop breastfeeding, and never be able to put her down. Now I miss nursing her and her sitting still long enough to snuggle.
I am cherishing the newborn phase much more round II because I know it will all change before I know it. We will be onto the next joyful phase, but this one will be gone forever, you know? I am working on being present as much as possible and soaking in my children and this stage of life right here and right now.
Seeing Sadie meet and bond with her brother is amazing.
I know it’s only going to get better and better, but I am already filled with joy at seeing Sadie and Mordecai interact. She wants to talk to him, touch him, and help care for him. He already loves watching her play and hearing her talk. I know it has been a big adjustment for Sader Tot, but I also know having a sibling is the best.
All the emotions
Postpartum hormones and emotions are intense. I have cried about: feeling guilty for not giving Sadie as much attention as I have the past four years, feeling completely overwhelmed, how much our life has changed, and how much I love my family. Aaand probably 50 other things.
I know postpartum and the early newborn days are a short period of time, which is a blessing and also bittersweet. I have no concept of time, but having a week with Jimmy home from work after the birth and us being a family of four was one of my favorite weeks ever. Everything takes so much longer to do, but I have nothing more important to do than care for my children.
When Mordecai was hospitalized and we had to leave Sadie in the middle of the night without telling her what was going on, I felt immense guilt. I was still healing from Mordecai’s birth, totally exhausted from lack of sleep, we were still establishing breastfeeding, fearful he was going to have surgery or lose a massive amount of blood, and Sadie’s world had been flipped upside down. I felt so helpless and broken.
I have also felt immense gratitude. I have two healthy children and an amazing husband. I was able to birth my babies in the same room and on the same bed with care providers I fully trust. Mordecai survived shoulder dystocia and is a sweet baby. Newborn life gives me so much perspective. Jimmy and I have been given two souls to care for and raise in the Lord. Everything else is put in its place when I remember this.
Life has changed so much since Mordecai’s birth, just like it did after Sadie’s birth. I have a small human attached to me almost constantly after being used to having an independent preschooler who can use the potty by herself, sleeps through the night, no longer naps, can dress herself, get her own snacks, and have full conversations with me.
I miss the days when Sadie and I could breeze out the door and go to art class and walk around the downtown area on a whim. But I also love having a new family member! We have a son! Sadie has a brother! We now have a little buddy to bring with us everywhere and will find a new normal one day at a time.
Having a baby in November is cozy (the holiday season with a baby is so special!) but also nerve-racking with all of the sickness going around. We just do our best to be smart about where we go with a newborn, do lots of hand washing, and trust God that if we get seriously sick He will bring us through it.
Birth and postpartum thoughts
I think I just carry my babies to 41 weeks. Sadie came at 40 + 6 and Mordecai came at 40 + 5. While it’s tough mentally to go past my due date, I’m happy to keep my babies in the womb as long as they need.
Mordecai’s birth was awesome. I had the best start to labor, and that was something we prayed about a lot. I was so happy to have him at the birth center and I had time to process what was going on and get there. The shoulder dystocia was crazy, though. It could have ended up so badly and I am curious about what any future births will look like.
My midwife said I may not be be able to birth at the birth center again, and I know some people go on to have a cesarian after shoulder dystocia because it’s more likely to happen again. I’ll find out more at my six week postpartum checkup and will also see what the future holds in terms of more kids.
I was shocked at his size! At 8 pounds 3.5 ounces, he was exactly a pound bigger than Sadie. Also, I may be biased, but he’s pretty cute! He looks like how I thought he would, but also not at all. I expected him to have dark hair and dark eyes like Sadie did at birth, but at the moment, his eyes are blue and his hair is a dark blonde.
In some ways, he looks like Sadie. He also has his own look. I’ve even had a few people say he looks like me. Didn’t see that coming! He is a very sweet little guy and so calm. We’re only three weeks in, so I’m excited to see how his personality develops!
I’ve done one Etsy order since Mordecai’s birth and it was for a previous customer who I told I would bake for postpartum since she buys granola for the elderly in the nursing home she works at and wanted to give them a few bags as Christmas gifts. How sweet is that?
Amazon, Instacart, and Grubhub have been wonderful. The first first week postpartum I didn’t leave the house much and we ordered food in, had groceries delivered, and bought those random things you forgot you need for a baby.
The pets are doing well with our new addition. We had one instance where Niva jumped in Mordecai’s crib (thankfully he wasn’t in it!) when she was being rowdy, but overall Malcolm and Niva have taken their new little sibling in stride and adjusted just fine.
Breastfeeding has gone much more smoothly the second time around (so far, though I got my first clogged duct last night haha). After my struggles with nursing Sadie (clogged ducts, engorgement, thrush, and her not taking a bottle), I considered becoming a lactation consultant because I was so passionate about helping others. I feel that spark ignited again, but I’m obviously a little preoccupied right now. Maybe in the future!
I miss having more time for blogging, baking, and other hobbies but I know I’ll get back into the swing of it all as we adjust to our new normal! My mom has been a huge help with coming over once a week to do whatever (play with Sadie, take her to appointments, or be there for me to have adult conversation, lol) and always welcomes us to her home, too.
Jimmy is amazing
He is the best. He did all the laundry and cleaning the first two weeks. He gets up with me in the night (he has to wake me up because I don’t hear Mordecai crying, lol), brings me coffee each morning, entertains Sadie, changes diapers, listens to me talk and cry, and knows as much about breastfeeding as I do.
Even after a long day at work, he comes home and instantly starts playing with Sadie or helping me however he can. He holds Mordecai as much as possible so I can eat a hot meal with two hands now and then. It’s so neat to see him have a son now, too! I love him more every single day.
God is so good
It feels like just yesterday I was praying for this child. We struggled a bit to conceive and I never want to forget what a blessing it is to have a child. Even in the hard moments, the sleepless nights, and through the tears. It’s all a gift from above.
Well, there you have it. This post was all over the place and I made sure to keep it real, as always! We are doing well over here… and also surviving. Happily surviving? I like that term 😂
If you made it this far, thanks for reading and sticking with me and this little blog. It means so much to me!