5 years

Answering a relationship question

Hey there! I received a question on this post about dating Jimmy for five years, and I thought I would address the topic. So, here’s the question:

question

First of all, I hope I don’t portray mine and Jimmy’s relationship as perfect on my blog. If it comes off that way, let me assure you that it’s not. We haven’t had any rough patches where we’ve broken up, but we do have our disagreements.

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I think it helps to break this topic down into three different points. I also talked to Jimmy, and asked him some questions so he could contribute to this post so it’s not one-sided.

1. Why we think we haven’t broken up:
My take: First and foremost, Jimmy and I try our best to keep God at the front of our relationship. My relationship with Christ always comes before any other relationship in my life, and I think that’s the biggest reason why we haven’t split up. We both have non-dominant personalities, and “go with the flow” pretty well–so neither of us are upset a lot. Also, Jimmy and I only see each other on the weekends because we live an hour apart. I never want to spend our precious time together arguing, you know?

His take: “Well I think we haven’t broken up because of just the simple fact that we built our relationship around God and He is who we both try to please first! Not each other! Although that’s a close second. And trying to please our personal selves is last on the list! So there is no doubt in my mind that, that is the sole reason we haven’t broken up.”

Cooking together :)

Cooking together 🙂

2. Things we “fight” about:
My take: I think the one thing that makes me upset is when I feel like Jimmy doesn’t understand me. We were in a really bad car accident together in 2009, and I broke the windshield of his car with my head, and had to have reconstructive nose surgery. That experience has given me an intense fear of feeling out of control, especially in vehicles. Jimmy loves driving. He loves driving fast, driving in snow, etc. Sometimes I get upset with him if he’s driving and I feel like he’s being careless and doesn’t understand how afraid I am. Other than that issue, we don’t disagree on much else! We disagree a lot less than when we first started dating because we got to know each other’s personalities better, and we’ve both matured a lot, haha.

His take: “No two people are alike and no two people will always see eye to eye! So most of the times when we may have our disagreements I think is due to that. In no way should that be down played at all, either! I think it is very important to work on those things, and to know each others boundaries and limits. For example, I know when Allie is stressed out that she can be a little more on edge! And understandably so….so though I may pick her a little, I know to stop a lot sooner cause I don’t want to tick her off even though I never mean for it to upset her. But that’s just who she is! And we have to live around each others personalities….Like I said in question number one…we have to put each other first before ourselves and I think that this would fall into that.”

Looking and feeling confused together in Ikea...

Looking and feeling confused together in Ikea…

3. How we’ve keep our connection strong:
My take: We both try to be “present” when we hang out–so we don’t check our phones or social media accounts constantly. We also email each other every weekday. I know that’s old school, but I absolutely love it. We’ve been emailing each other every weekday since I was in high school. I think we also have a deep connection despite our physical distance because we are both connected to God.

His take: “I think that if you put God first and then put each other first then staying close will just fall into place! You have to work on your relationship by learning each other, and not letting your own personal wants and desires in the way. There are obviously lines you must draw, and there may come a point where you just need to sit down and talk to each other about whats bothering you. But in order to stay close, there is a constant maintenance you must do to achieve that…and if two people love each other and are able to care for one another then maintaining a good relationship shouldn’t be a constant day in and day out struggle!”

I hope that answered the commenter’s question! Thank you for your input, Jimmy 🙂

Do you have a significant other? What do you argue about? How do you stay close?