Answering a relationship question

Hey there! I received a question on this post about dating Jimmy for five years, and I thought I would address the topic. So, here’s the question:

question

First of all, I hope I don’t portray mine and Jimmy’s relationship as perfect on my blog. If it comes off that way, let me assure you that it’s not. We haven’t had any rough patches where we’ve broken up, but we do have our disagreements.

2

I think it helps to break this topic down into three different points. I also talked to Jimmy, and asked him some questions so he could contribute to this post so it’s not one-sided.

1. Why we think we haven’t broken up:
My take: First and foremost, Jimmy and I try our best to keep God at the front of our relationship. My relationship with Christ always comes before any other relationship in my life, and I think that’s the biggest reason why we haven’t split up. We both have non-dominant personalities, and “go with the flow” pretty well–so neither of us are upset a lot. Also, Jimmy and I only see each other on the weekends because we live an hour apart. I never want to spend our precious time together arguing, you know?

His take: “Well I think we haven’t broken up because of just the simple fact that we built our relationship around God and He is who we both try to please first! Not each other! Although that’s a close second. And trying to please our personal selves is last on the list! So there is no doubt in my mind that, that is the sole reason we haven’t broken up.”

Cooking together :)

Cooking together 🙂

2. Things we “fight” about:
My take: I think the one thing that makes me upset is when I feel like Jimmy doesn’t understand me. We were in a really bad car accident together in 2009, and I broke the windshield of his car with my head, and had to have reconstructive nose surgery. That experience has given me an intense fear of feeling out of control, especially in vehicles. Jimmy loves driving. He loves driving fast, driving in snow, etc. Sometimes I get upset with him if he’s driving and I feel like he’s being careless and doesn’t understand how afraid I am. Other than that issue, we don’t disagree on much else! We disagree a lot less than when we first started dating because we got to know each other’s personalities better, and we’ve both matured a lot, haha.

His take: “No two people are alike and no two people will always see eye to eye! So most of the times when we may have our disagreements I think is due to that. In no way should that be down played at all, either! I think it is very important to work on those things, and to know each others boundaries and limits. For example, I know when Allie is stressed out that she can be a little more on edge! And understandably so….so though I may pick her a little, I know to stop a lot sooner cause I don’t want to tick her off even though I never mean for it to upset her. But that’s just who she is! And we have to live around each others personalities….Like I said in question number one…we have to put each other first before ourselves and I think that this would fall into that.”

Looking and feeling confused together in Ikea...

Looking and feeling confused together in Ikea…

3. How we’ve keep our connection strong:
My take: We both try to be “present” when we hang out–so we don’t check our phones or social media accounts constantly. We also email each other every weekday. I know that’s old school, but I absolutely love it. We’ve been emailing each other every weekday since I was in high school. I think we also have a deep connection despite our physical distance because we are both connected to God.

His take: “I think that if you put God first and then put each other first then staying close will just fall into place! You have to work on your relationship by learning each other, and not letting your own personal wants and desires in the way. There are obviously lines you must draw, and there may come a point where you just need to sit down and talk to each other about whats bothering you. But in order to stay close, there is a constant maintenance you must do to achieve that…and if two people love each other and are able to care for one another then maintaining a good relationship shouldn’t be a constant day in and day out struggle!”

I hope that answered the commenter’s question! Thank you for your input, Jimmy 🙂

Do you have a significant other? What do you argue about? How do you stay close?

Advertisements

24 comments

  1. I love this post Allie and I can certainly relate. You basically are one of the few people that know of my other boyfriend…long story short we had too many disagreements. We were complete opposites and it didn’t work out at all. Tim and I have small disagreements but nothing serious. I think it’s important to have those disagreements to be a happy couple. If you are constantly happy go lucky it gets boring and you will get tired of each other.

    This is really interesting and I love hearing about ya’lls relationship.

    1. Yeah… I definitely remember him-who-will-not-be-named from the early days of you blog! I’m sorry that things didn’t work out, BUT I am so happy that you did what was right for you and eventually found Tim, who seems to be perfect for you, and you both seem to have a lot in common!

  2. I love this post and how both of you answered questions on it- and how your answers were so much alike but also different so your personalities shined through. The question is a really valid one and to me, your answers show a lot of maturity.

    Clay and I also occasionally fight and have our disagreements, like all married couples do. You have to learn how to pick your battles- I tend to be more of a neat freak and Clay keeps this around. Sometimes the pressure of Pinterest and blogs, etc, makes people think everyone has a neat home with no clutter… that’s one thing I got over a lot lately. I think the mistake many girls and guys make is just wanting the other one to conform to their expectations instead of compromise.

    BTW, the anonymous commenter had a pretty valid point. You know, I never really discuss the “lows” of relationships on my blog either, but it definitely does happen.

    1. Thanks, Amy! I really wanted to get Jimmy’s opinion on the matter in the post so it didn’t seem like I was covering things up or talking for the both of us, you know?

      It’s kinda comforting to learn that you and Clay have disagreements, but are still happily married, you know?! I am always feeling nervous about getting married…. like will we fight a lot more? Will we be crazy happy?! So many unknowns. It’s nerve wracking and exciting all at the same time 🙂

      I agree that the anon. commenter had a good point, and I was glad he/she brought it up, and that’s why I did a whole post on it. I think it’s super important to talk about things like that in the blog world so people know that everyone’s life isn’t perfect–as it might come off through their regular blog posts, you know?

  3. You two have an amazing maturity level! I think you have built a very strong and solid foundation together, which will continue to make for an extremely healthy relationship!! Everyone has their moments and arguments, it’s how they are handled that matters!

    1. Why thank you! I don’t always feel mature, but I definitely try to be! I agree with you–it’s all about HOW we handle arguments and not necessarily about whether we have them or not.

  4. I love this post Allie! I like how you shared Jimmy’s perspective too. I really admire how both of you put the other before yourselves! I personally have very little experience with relationships but I do know they take a lot of work and communication. I’m in the very beginnings of a relationship myself and I’m so excited for us to get to know each other well and see where this goes.

    1. Aww, thank you Jamie! I definitely wanted to share Jimmy’s thoughts so it wasn’t one-sided or anything!

      Congrats on your new relationship!! WOO! I am reading your blog post right now!

  5. I love this post, Allie! I think disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, but it’s how you deal with them that counts. It sounds as if you and Jimmy are really good at working through your disagreements (I love how you got Jimmy’s input, too!). I have no doubt you and Jimmy will be able to make it through any hard times that may come your way. A love like the one you share lasts forever!

    P.S. I just love reading about you two because it’s like you were made for each other! And I still can’t believe you’re getting married…so excited for you!!!

    1. Thanks, Carli! I agree that disagreements are totally inevitable in any relationship, too. And you’re right–it’s all about how you handle them.

      Jimmy and I have gotten much better at working through things like that as we’ve matured and been together for a few years now. We know each other better, and we care more deeply for each other and definitely don’t want to hurt each other in any way!

      I can’t believe we’re getting married, either! I am so nervous and SO excited! Thank you for the sweet comment. I hope you’re doing well <3333

  6. Allie!!! Thank you so much for making this post! You guys are really good relationship role models! I think this post was really helpful because its really nice to see not just that you have a great relationship but HOW you have it and keep it that way! I also loved that you had both of you answer the question! I think it’s great that you guys use the distance between you to your advantage by really making your time count because I feel like a lot of times couples let distance tear them apart. This was really an awesome post Allie!

    1. Hey Carla! No problem–it was my pleasure to address this topic, especially since you were wondering about it! Thank you for the compliment, too. That means A LOT to me (and Jimmy as well, I’m sure).

      Thank you 🙂

    1. Thanks, Amy! I was pretty fun to write (er… type?!). I thought it was pretty important to have Jimmy share his thoughts too, so it wasn’t one-sided and I didn’t speak for the both of us. Thanks for the compliments, too! That means a lot 🙂

  7. I love this post and I can totally understand the sentiment of “Anonymous” – it can be really easy to believe that everyone else has perfect relationships with their significant others.

    Your points are so spot on! Personally, I believe that good relationships boil down to shared values. If the two of you can agree on what’s important, then everything else seems to sort of fall into place 🙂

  8. Travis and I argue a lot about silly things, but mostly because I am so OCD/Type A about things and he could care less. We did break up for about 5 months about three years after we started dating. Honestly, it was probably the best thing that could have happened to us. We spent almost every waking moment together for all of our college careers, and spending some time apart gave us a little bit of time to realize our own dreams and goals. It just so happened that we found ourselves wanting each other to be a part of those dreams and goals.

    Love both of your answers to those questions. Your bond is amazing! I am still so happy for your engagement 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s