March 7th, 2022
It’s early on a Monday morning and I couldn’t sleep, so here I am! I know it’s the hormones causing such a weird sleep cycle. I napped for over 1.5 hours the other day. Today I woke up at 3:40 AM. I am all over the place, lol!
So, updates. We told my family the big news and they were all overjoyed! Hannah and my mom both cried. My brother-in-law, brother, dad, and sister-in-law were full of joy. It was so exciting to tell them and surprise them with the big news!
My family knew how long we were trying, they knew about the doctor appointments to check on my health, and on Jimmy’s health. They knew our desire for another baby. Having them share in the joy of the pregnancy is sweeter than honey because they know and have been with us every step of the way. Same as our church family. I can’t wait to tell everyone at church soon!
Today we have a dating ultrasound. I’m still extremely early in the pregnancy (maybe 5 weeks?), so I’m not sure if we will actually be able to see much today. I had a very early ultrasound with Sadie’s pregnancy and we saw a yolk sac, and then I went back for another maybe a week or two later and we were able to see her and her little heart beating for the first time!
My symptoms are still the same as my last diary entry: tender chest,
tired exhausted, and able to smell everything. I don’t feel nauseous yet, which is what makes me think I’m still quite early in the pregnancy. I know with Sadie I felt great for a week or two, then the nausea and food aversions hit and lasted until a little bit into the second trimester.
In a way, I will welcome the nausea (I say that now, as I feel fine, lol…) because I know it means there’s a baby in there and things are happening! Just like I love the kicks in the second trimester because it means there’s a baby in there and it’s moving and growing enough to kick!
At the same time, I am working hard on trusting God. I have no idea what the future holds. What will today be like? Will the ultrasound go well? Will we see the baby? Will this pregnancy end with a happy, healthy baby?
No matter what happens, God is good. He is in control. He loves us and has a perfect plan. I can slip into worrying about everything, which I can’t control. Or I can choose to enjoy every moment of this journey, take care of what I can control, give thanks to God, and draw closer to Him as I trust Him more every day.
I was thinking about things I learned from Sadie’s pregnancy/birth/postpartum/babyhood and reflected on what I would do differently.
Pregnancy. I would allow myself to rest more and remember that pregnancy and all the crazy that it can bring is temporary. I would enjoy each moment. I would trust God more instead of worrying. I wouldn’t feel bad about my intuition over kick counts/movement. I had two scares with Sadie’s movement in the second and then third trimesters and remember feeling guilty for “bothering” my care providers and checking on Sadie.
Birth. I would speak up more. I don’t know if it was that I was so focused during labor, but I can remember thinking things, but not saying them! Labor is weird. If we get to have another labor and delivery, I hope to speak up and ask questions as much as I can!
Postpartum. I would ask for so. much. more. help. Like so much more. I often felt alone in postpartum because Jimmy went back to work quickly and my family lives 45 minutes away. Learning how to care for a new baby while balancing pets, work, and life was a huge task! I should have asked for more help and support!
Babyhood. Once again, I would ask for more help. Babies are hard work! On the same note, I would enjoy it more and not wish away one single second. I know now how fast that baby stage passes. They don’t sleep on your chest forever. They don’t nurse forever. They say their first word one time. They take their first steps one time. It all goes by so quickly! I would have soaked it all in a bit more! I would also allow myself to be in postpartum. Allow the rest. The weird schedule. I know now that life does get back to normal, well a new normal 😉
So, those are my early morning rambles and thoughts for today. Praying the ultrasound goes well today and that if it’s God’s will, the baby will keep growing and that he/she will be healthy! We can’t wait to meet this little one and we love him/her so, so much ❤️
March 10th, 2022
So, we had the ultrasound and we’re still kinda confused on how far along I am, LOL. The ultrasound tech said 5 weeks and 1 day, the ultrasound report said 4 weeks and 0 days, and the midwives gave me a different date based on my last cycle.
Sooo, I need to have another ultrasound in about two weeks to see if baby is continuing to grow and if we can better date the pregnancy. I was reading the ultrasound report and it said to have another because “viability wasn’t determined.” Ugh. That’s the last thing you want to read, you know?
Since I’m still feeling normal (not nauseous), I keep thinking… is there a baby in there? Is he/she ok? Is the baby growing? Will it keep growing? Will the next ultrasound go well? Will we see a heartbeat?
The midwives called to schedule my first prenatal appointment in April, sometime around when I’m 6-9ish weeks (total guess since we still aren’t 100% sure, lol). Praying all goes well and that we will hear baby’s heartbeat!
So yeah, that’s the short update for today. I have another ultrasound coming up later this month, then my first prenatal appointment in April. I forgot how rocky the first trimester feels mentally! It’s so weird being pregnant, but not feeling pregnant. I am learning to trust, trust, and trust God more!
I started a pregnancy devotional that I read each morning and it helps a lot to connect with God and learn to leave everything in His capable hands! Okay, bye until next time!