I wish I didn’t have to write this post. As you may know, my sister and her husband were expecting twins that were due in early May. They went in for their anatomy scan on Friday and found out that one of their sweet babies no longer had a heartbeat.

I can’t describe the immense sadness and grief that our family has felt over the loss of this child. Knowing that my little sister is going through one of the hardest events of her life hurts my heart deeply. I wish I could make it go away. I don’t want her to go through this hurt, the sadness, the fear, and the uncertainty she has experienced over the past few days.

Hannah and Josh have had such faith and understanding and acceptance in God’s Will through this trial and it’s a huge encouragement to me. Josh quoted Job 1:21 “the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Just knowing that Josh and Hannah are still praising God and are taking comfort that this baby is in the arms of Jesus brings me comfort. It still hurts. I still can’t fully process this sadness and I don’t know that we all ever will fully process this loss until we can meet this sweet child face to face in Heaven.

On the other hand, I want to share that we are also experiencing so much joy in the fact that Josh and Hannah are expecting a baby boy. Because their twins had separate sacs and placentas, their son was unaffected by the loss and Hannah can carry on with her pregnancy with more monitoring, and of course tons and tons of prayer!

I can’t begin to tell you how much I covet your prayers for Hannah. Please pray that she and Josh would experience peace and comfort. Pray that the rest of her pregnancy is calm, peaceful, that her son continues to grow and thrive, and that we can all get through this loss together.

I also want to share a big congrats to Hannah and Josh on their baby boy! I am so thrilled for them to have their third son 🩵 He will join big siblings Caroline (5), Lawson (3), and Titus (2)!

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I asked Hannah if she wanted to personally share anything here on the blog, and ever the mature and wise sister she is, here’s what she has to say:

I can’t thank you all enough for taking the time to read this blog post from my sweet sister. She is a huge part in my healing, along with the rest of my family. This is all so fresh right now and I’m sure I will have more thoughts and comments as time marches on, but I want to most importantly give glory to God.

He has orchestrated so many things leading up to and following this event that I know have His handprints all over it. One of them being that Josh was able to join me for the ultrasound, which was not the original plan. In addition, I just talked to a woman today at my child’s gymnastics class that knew were expecting and finding out the genders on Friday. When I told her the news, she opened up that her daughter, who is in Caroline’s class, was a twin. She lost one of her twins early on in pregnancy as well, but succeeded in carrying her daughter to full term and she has no health conditions and her pregnancy went well. God sure is good at providing us with the right people at the right time.

I like to think that way back in October when I told this woman I was expecting twins (and she gracefully did not mention her story with losing one of her twins), God already knew I would need her. Then, our Fall Session ended and many families did not sign up for the same class/time, but her and I did. You can’t tell me that’s not God taking care of me, His daughter.

It all feels so unbelievable as the doctors had heard both heartbeats multiple times since we found out and both were perfectly healthy and measuring at about 9+ weeks when we went in for our ultrasound in October, when I was just about 10 weeks. Even less than a week before my anatomy I had a scare of passing out that took me to the ER to check on the babies, and they heard both heart beats at the same time. But we found out, our sweet “Baby B” was only measuring about 11 weeks. When he/she passed, we do not know. But there is one single thing that I am absolutely and completely sure of; all this baby ever knew was being in the comfort of his/her mother’s body and the very arms of Jesus. It is hard to understand, but yet comforting to know that this child will never know pain. They will never see evil or hardship, they are with Jesus. 

As for our baby boy, sweet Gideon, we ask for some major prayers from you all. For him to remain healthy as we saw him Friday and for him to grow and thrive and be our constant reminder of his twin. We will be able to celebrate every birthday and every milestone and keep track of how old he/she would have been, but with joy because God has granted us Gideon, Lord willing. Thank you, Allie, for letting me share my heart and thank you all for reading on.