Other titles that I considered for this post include: “The struggle was real” and “I suck at life.” Anywaaaays, I need to update everyone on something that has changed…
Sadly, Jimmy and I no longer have Ford and Scout. We honestly just couldn’t handle all of the work involved with two puppies. It turned out that most of the puppy responsibilities fell on my shoulders because Jimmy works a lot.
I began to realize that I couldn’t finish college, complete my internship, keep up our house, and do everything else in my life while taking care of two puppies. It felt like Jimmy and I had twin toddlers before we even hit the two-month mark in our marriage. Yikes.
I had a major cry-fest/breakdown one evening while I was home alone with the puppies because I was so overwhelmed with everything. Jimmy walked in the door and was like “Okay… we need to do something because you being this stressed out is not good.”
We talked. We debated. I cried some more. Neither of us wanted to give them up, but we also knew that we wanted them (and us) to have the best life possible. We finally called the breeder and she gladly took Ford and Scout back. Since then, I have felt every emotion under the sun. Guilt, sadness, relief, foolishness, and anger (at myself).
Basically, I felt like a selfish failure. Why couldn’t I take care of two puppies? Why did I think it would be a good idea to get two puppies while finishing school, an internship, being a newlywed, and new homeowner? I questioned myself. I have always identified myself as a dog lover. Suddenly, I felt like I obviously must not love dogs if I gave up mine and Jimmy’s puppies.
It’s been about two weeks since we gave Ford and Scout back to our breeder, and I’m feeling much better about the whole ordeal. Do I still feel guilty and foolish? Yes. I get super sad when I look at pictures of them. I realize that we made a good choice for us and the puppies, but it’s still hard to swallow, you know?
I’ve come to realize that I’m still “allowed” to be a identify myself as a dog lover even if I decided puppies weren’t right for us right now. I think I actually freak my family and friends out by how much I love learning/talking about dogs.
My parents asked Jimmy and I if we wanted to take Lola in for a while (or forever, if we want) since we really missed having furry friends around. They knew that as an eight-year-old dog, Lola is a lot easier to care for than eight-week-old puppies.
So, we said yes. And it has been amazing. I missed seeing Lola since I moved out, and I like to think she’s missed me, too ;). She’s my best buddy and I love her so much. She’s being spoiled with walks, homemade food and treats, cuddle sessions, and trips to the pet store and errand runs.
I realize that I made a mistake in thinking that I could handle two puppies at this stage in my life. It was a painful mistake, but definitely not the end of the world (at all…). In my opinion, learning from mistakes is one of the best forms of learning and growing.
I’ve realized that I need to know my limits, it’s okay to make mistakes, and that I’m still allowed to love something that I can’t always handle (<– that makes total sense, right?!).
So, expect to see more of Lola on my blog again, and more about dogs in general. I have a lot of topics I’ve and information I want to share :).
Have you ever made a big mistake?